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NH3 @ The Keelman, Newburn

March 1, 2020 @ 11:30 am 1:30 pm

Hares : Chafing Bollocks and Bedtime Story

Free

The Keelman

Grange Road, Newburn
Newcastle, NE15 8NL United Kingdom
+ Google Map

One Reply to “NH3 @ The Keelman, Newburn”

  1. 07:15 Bedtime Story gets up for an ice cold shower
    07:42 Story takes the dog out for a walk
    08:30 Chafing Bollocks’ alarm goes off
    08:48 Story and Spare Rib finish family breakfast and bathtime
    09:00 Chafing hits snooze for the third time
    09:04 Story begins Sunday lunch prep
    09:30 Chafing hits snooze for the sixth time
    09:52 Story catches train from Stocksfield to Prudhoe
    09:57 Story begins his r*n to the Keelman, setting wa*kers trail along the way
    10:05 Chafing finally drags himself out of bed
    10:14 Story finds wa*king route under two feet of floodwater
    10:18 Omelette and coffee for Chafing
    10:20 Chafing takes a very large dump
    10:32 Chafing leaves house, attempts to buy flour at Asda
    10:38 Chafing goes for the 10:40 bus
    10:41 Chafing misses the 10:40 bus
    11:00 Bedtime Story arrives at the Keelman. No sign of co-hare
    11:05 Chafing realises he’s missed the 11:00 bus
    11:07 Chafing calls a taxi
    11:08 11:00 bus zooms past Chafing as he calls it a bastard
    11:20 Taxi picks Chafing up, agrees to drive very fast
    11:27 Chafing Bollocks arrives at Keelman to find most of the Hash already there
    11:28 Bedtime Story sets off to live-hare the first half
    11:33 Treasure Chest and Five Kuai arrive
    11:35 Floppy After Effort arrives
    11:45 Chafing finally gets his shit together to start the trail. Wa*kers set off under direction of Omm
    11:47 Hashers get lost at a r*nning check due to Chafing not remembering the route
    11:52 Counterfit gets stuck in brambles
    11:55 Wa*kers overtake the r*nners
    12:01 R*nners back in front. Slippery When Wet attempts to efface W marks
    12:05 R*nners continue to check all ways despite ten straight-on checks in a row
    12:08 The route finally leaves the riverbank. Hashers immediately recognise the NO ACCESS sign indicates true trail
    12:10 Uphill stretch begins. Bedtime Story reaches the Swan, orders pint of Doom Bar
    12:20 R*nners still r*nning uphill
    12:25 Chafing allows a 30-second breather at a stop check
    12:30 Brian bags his first FRB
    12:34 First of the Hash Views
    12:36 More uphill
    12:40 Hash reach The Swan. Pints are ordered all round
    12:41 Chafing finishes pint
    12:42 Chafing sets off to live-hare the second half
    12:52 More pints are ordered
    12:58 Chafing reaches Keelman, orders a pint
    13:05 Story calls five minutes
    13:12 Bedtime Story finally drags the r*nners out of the beer stop
    13:16 Second of the Hash Views
    13:18 Downhill begins
    13:23 Downhill stretch concludes with pretty much every Hasher on an FRB
    13:30 Wa*kers return from their double trail
    13:32 Kuai checks uphill, hits the only falsie in the entire trail
    13:38 OnInn is sighted. Screams of delight are heard
    13:40 R*nners arrive back at Keelman
    13:45 Treasure Chest starts the circle. Hares are down-downed for live-haring. Chafing is down-downed for being late
    13:47 Chafing calls Brian a ‘very naughty boy’. Treasure Chest christens him
    13:48 Returners are down-downed, visitor Pippy Longstockings welcomed, virgin deflowered
    13:50 Five Kuai can’t think of any charges so circle is ended
    14:00 Entire Hash orders Sunday lunch
    15:00 Sunday lunch is finally served…

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One Reply to “NH3 @ The Keelman, Newburn”

  1. 07:15 Bedtime Story gets up for an ice cold shower
    07:42 Story takes the dog out for a walk
    08:30 Chafing Bollocks’ alarm goes off
    08:48 Story and Spare Rib finish family breakfast and bathtime
    09:00 Chafing hits snooze for the third time
    09:04 Story begins Sunday lunch prep
    09:30 Chafing hits snooze for the sixth time
    09:52 Story catches train from Stocksfield to Prudhoe
    09:57 Story begins his r*n to the Keelman, setting wa*kers trail along the way
    10:05 Chafing finally drags himself out of bed
    10:14 Story finds wa*king route under two feet of floodwater
    10:18 Omelette and coffee for Chafing
    10:20 Chafing takes a very large dump
    10:32 Chafing leaves house, attempts to buy flour at Asda
    10:38 Chafing goes for the 10:40 bus
    10:41 Chafing misses the 10:40 bus
    11:00 Bedtime Story arrives at the Keelman. No sign of co-hare
    11:05 Chafing realises he’s missed the 11:00 bus
    11:07 Chafing calls a taxi
    11:08 11:00 bus zooms past Chafing as he calls it a bastard
    11:20 Taxi picks Chafing up, agrees to drive very fast
    11:27 Chafing Bollocks arrives at Keelman to find most of the Hash already there
    11:28 Bedtime Story sets off to live-hare the first half
    11:33 Treasure Chest and Five Kuai arrive
    11:35 Floppy After Effort arrives
    11:45 Chafing finally gets his shit together to start the trail. Wa*kers set off under direction of Omm
    11:47 Hashers get lost at a r*nning check due to Chafing not remembering the route
    11:52 Counterfit gets stuck in brambles
    11:55 Wa*kers overtake the r*nners
    12:01 R*nners back in front. Slippery When Wet attempts to efface W marks
    12:05 R*nners continue to check all ways despite ten straight-on checks in a row
    12:08 The route finally leaves the riverbank. Hashers immediately recognise the NO ACCESS sign indicates true trail
    12:10 Uphill stretch begins. Bedtime Story reaches the Swan, orders pint of Doom Bar
    12:20 R*nners still r*nning uphill
    12:25 Chafing allows a 30-second breather at a stop check
    12:30 Brian bags his first FRB
    12:34 First of the Hash Views
    12:36 More uphill
    12:40 Hash reach The Swan. Pints are ordered all round
    12:41 Chafing finishes pint
    12:42 Chafing sets off to live-hare the second half
    12:52 More pints are ordered
    12:58 Chafing reaches Keelman, orders a pint
    13:05 Story calls five minutes
    13:12 Bedtime Story finally drags the r*nners out of the beer stop
    13:16 Second of the Hash Views
    13:18 Downhill begins
    13:23 Downhill stretch concludes with pretty much every Hasher on an FRB
    13:30 Wa*kers return from their double trail
    13:32 Kuai checks uphill, hits the only falsie in the entire trail
    13:38 OnInn is sighted. Screams of delight are heard
    13:40 R*nners arrive back at Keelman
    13:45 Treasure Chest starts the circle. Hares are down-downed for live-haring. Chafing is down-downed for being late
    13:47 Chafing calls Brian a ‘very naughty boy’. Treasure Chest christens him
    13:48 Returners are down-downed, visitor Pippy Longstockings welcomed, virgin deflowered
    13:50 Five Kuai can’t think of any charges so circle is ended
    14:00 Entire Hash orders Sunday lunch
    15:00 Sunday lunch is finally served…

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