NH3 @ The Keelman, Newburn

One Reply to “NH3 @ The Keelman, Newburn”

1. 07:15 Bedtime Story gets up for an ice cold shower
   07:42 Story takes the dog out for a walk
   08:30 Chafing Bollocks’ alarm goes off
   08:48 Story and Spare Rib finish family breakfast and bathtime
   09:00 Chafing hits snooze for the third time
   09:04 Story begins Sunday lunch prep
   09:30 Chafing hits snooze for the sixth time
   09:52 Story catches train from Stocksfield to Prudhoe
   09:57 Story begins his r*n to the Keelman, setting wa*kers trail along the way
   10:05 Chafing finally drags himself out of bed
   10:14 Story finds wa*king route under two feet of floodwater
   10:18 Omelette and coffee for Chafing
   10:20 Chafing takes a very large dump
   10:32 Chafing leaves house, attempts to buy flour at Asda
   10:38 Chafing goes for the 10:40 bus
   10:41 Chafing misses the 10:40 bus
   11:00 Bedtime Story arrives at the Keelman. No sign of co-hare
   11:05 Chafing realises he’s missed the 11:00 bus
   11:07 Chafing calls a taxi
   11:08 11:00 bus zooms past Chafing as he calls it a bastard
   11:20 Taxi picks Chafing up, agrees to drive very fast
   11:27 Chafing Bollocks arrives at Keelman to find most of the Hash already there
   11:28 Bedtime Story sets off to live-hare the first half
   11:33 Treasure Chest and Five Kuai arrive
   11:35 Floppy After Effort arrives
   11:45 Chafing finally gets his shit together to start the trail. Wa*kers set off under direction of Omm
   11:47 Hashers get lost at a r*nning check due to Chafing not remembering the route
   11:52 Counterfit gets stuck in brambles
   11:55 Wa*kers overtake the r*nners
   12:01 R*nners back in front. Slippery When Wet attempts to efface W marks
   12:05 R*nners continue to check all ways despite ten straight-on checks in a row
   12:08 The route finally leaves the riverbank. Hashers immediately recognise the NO ACCESS sign indicates true trail
   12:10 Uphill stretch begins. Bedtime Story reaches the Swan, orders pint of Doom Bar
   12:20 R*nners still r*nning uphill
   12:25 Chafing allows a 30-second breather at a stop check
   12:30 Brian bags his first FRB
   12:34 First of the Hash Views
   12:36 More uphill
   12:40 Hash reach The Swan. Pints are ordered all round
   12:41 Chafing finishes pint
   12:42 Chafing sets off to live-hare the second half
   12:52 More pints are ordered
   12:58 Chafing reaches Keelman, orders a pint
   13:05 Story calls five minutes
   13:12 Bedtime Story finally drags the r*nners out of the beer stop
   13:16 Second of the Hash Views
   13:18 Downhill begins
   13:23 Downhill stretch concludes with pretty much every Hasher on an FRB
   13:30 Wa*kers return from their double trail
   13:32 Kuai checks uphill, hits the only falsie in the entire trail
   13:38 OnInn is sighted. Screams of delight are heard
   13:40 R*nners arrive back at Keelman
   13:45 Treasure Chest starts the circle. Hares are down-downed for live-haring. Chafing is down-downed for being late
   13:47 Chafing calls Brian a ‘very naughty boy’. Treasure Chest christens him
   13:48 Returners are down-downed, visitor Pippy Longstockings welcomed, virgin deflowered
   13:50 Five Kuai can’t think of any charges so circle is ended
   14:00 Entire Hash orders Sunday lunch
   15:00 Sunday lunch is finally served…

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