We were drinking out in Dunston late one night
When our eyes beheld an eerie sight
From the Tudor Rose a bunch of r*nners arose
With masks on their faces and mud on their clothes
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
They went by in a flash
The Monster Hash
They all looked canny lashed
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
Led by Innconts on a winding trail
They were all a bit sweaty and ghostly pale
Including the wa*kers there were maybe sixteen
Of the scariest Hashers this town’s ever seen
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
It was a Dunston Dash
The Monster Hash
The All Hallows Bash
The Monster Hash
They did the Monster Hash
It was all false trails and turns and twists
Around where Paul Gascoigne used to go on the piss
Cinderella showed the pack a clean pair of heels
Legged it past the stop checks like they weren’t even real
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
They nearly caused a crash
The Monster Hash
The house porn was a bit gash
The Monster Hash
They did the Monster Hash
Slippery went wrong up a nice bit of hill
Got Pimp to follow on, made poor Pimp feel ill
They were waiting at a stop check feeling kinda deranged
When Five Quai Headjob turned up late for a change
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
A bit of shiggy splash
The Monster Hash
They did it with panache
The Monster Hash
They did the Monster Hash
There were hybrid beasts of a hideous mein:
A Drac Rees-Mogg and a Faragenstein
They wore glow-stick bracelets from a Treasure Chest
It’s safe to say the locals were not greatly impressed
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
Drunk from first to last
The Monster Hash
One had to stop for a slash
The Monster Hash
They did the Monster Hash
Over and above the A1 they slunk
The bridges were okay but the underpass stunk
Gripper knew these streets and he led from the front
Cos he’d seen all the flour on his way to the pub
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
They didn’t need any cash
The Monster Hash
It was a non-stop Hash
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
Once they hit the bike track it was all FRBs
‘neath the eerie moon and the skeleton trees
Like a gang of angry peasants they pursued the Rees-Mogg
Who was r*nning like the wind because he needed the bog
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
They didn’t listen to thrash
The Monster Hash
The hare prefers The Clash
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
Hash History by the river didn’t get very far
The Hash couldn’t be arsed, they were close to the bar
They were on it in seconds in a monstrous hurtle
In the car park round the back for a chilly circle
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
This song is balderdash
The Monster Hash
They had some beers stashed
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
Down-downs, singing of the usual lyrics
They didn’t see a ghost, but they did see some spirits
Counterfit posed a name-changing question
“Five-past-seven Quai” was his suggestion
They did the Hash
They did the Monster Hash
The Monster Hash
A Bobby Pickett rehash
The Monster Hash
A lyrical mishmash
The Monster Hash
They did the Monster Hash