A TALE OF CHRISTMAS HASHED
Twas the Hash before Christmas, and all through the town
The Hashers got mortal and r*n up and down
Twenty or more of them dressed up in lights
And tinsel and baubles and similar shite
On Out from the old Bridge Hotel they were led
By Pimp, looking sharp with elf’s ears on his head
round Westgate, Bigg Market, High Bridge, then Grey Street
Newgate, Blackfriars, along Stowell Street
To Rosie’s Bar for the first pint of the r*n
(Think Five Kuai caught up just in time for that one)
Then up by St James, round the RVI’s gate
No stop at the Trent or the Cat did they make
But straight through the Uni then right to the road
At Barras Bridge, where there ain’t no bridge no mo’
And on through the park, to John Dobson then round
To Northumberland Street with a Christmas fayre crowd
All thought it was Trillians for the next stop
– Innconts was quite sure, he was caught on the hop –
But the r*n it went on, through to Carliol Square
On down and then up via Fat Buddha stairs
At last to the Quay where some tipis did rear
And here, at last here, drank the Hash some more beer.
There were bars in and out, all were glad of a rest
Twas cold enough out to freeze tits off your chest
The wa*kers had landed a long time before
Enough to have pint number three, maybe four.
The hare started shouting and nudging his dad
“On Gripper! On Frogsporn! On Misled! On Sab!
On Rover! On TC! On Slippery – fuck’s sake
Can we just get on back? It’s gone half past eight.”
They r*n up the Quay, up the Side to the top
Nashed past the Keep then On Inn to the pub.
In there they circled and sang them some songs
(mis’rable punters would not sing along)
There were many returnees – a short list of drop-ins:
Babe Magnet, Grasshopper, Story and Poppins
Everyone missed FRBs here and there
Nobody noticed, and only Pimp cared
They were too full of cheer to be arsed with that shite
Merry Hashmas to all, ’twas a hell of a night!
And now I can say, with a real touch of class
Tetrameter is a right pain in the arse