The Consett Party – 29 May 2019

Hashdate 1555. We are the voyagers of the NH3, our on going mission to seek out new pubs, sample different brews, explore wild places and penetrate virgin territory.
In this week’s episode, Chafing Bollicks took us to his homeworld of Consett 1, perhaps the last vestige of civilisation on the very edge of our hashiverse. Beyond here are the debatable wastes of Durrum and then the wild lands of Coombree-Ha, where there are few and strange life forms.
The atmospheric conditions were distinctly moist but our cast were not deterred. Before long we encountered the relics of an ancient empire, a huge mechanical device, a part of some arcane ritual long bypassed by our technology. The vast citadel that existed here even attempted to control the weather, at times producing a red rain that terrified not only he local populace but those also in lands far and wide.
Our exploration circumnavigated the our landing site with part of the group splitting off to interact with the indigenous population in one of their drinking dens.
Finally reunited for our debrief, the atmospheric conditions deteriorated and we had to seek shelter for refreshment before thinking of our next area of invesigation.
This will be On hashdate 1556, Sunday 2nd in local time, across on the other side of the embassy in the small outpost of Cambois, a sub section of Blyth, at the place known as Charlton’s bar. More virgin territory to experience.

Bedlington… Eshintin but Posha! – 22 May 2019

Well,, I haven’t been to Bedlington for a while and neither has the hash, not since the days of Whyno!Pimp’s trail showed the best sides of the place with an excellant bar, the Box Wood Tap, almost invisible amongst High Street Shops, beautiful weather, parks, views and a riverside finish, all on virgin territory, which probably is unique in Bedlington.Treesare was a late arrival, in his new/old sports car and had resort to an immediate widdle on trail. Must be a time of life thing (Sports car or impromptu widdling?)Apart from the unavoidable regulars we also had Zanussi, Gabby, David (trying a Counterfit impersonation) and Vicki, who would potentially win the best (over)dressed hasher of the year award.Plus 3 hash hounds.
Starting off through a park which was a pit heap that had been re-cycled and cycled, and sprinting through areas that we were councilled to do so, with views of the Cheviots, Simonside and an oil rig in Blyth Harbour, we dropped into the River Blyth valley and back towards town.Pimp had warned that a possible short cut might prove a nettling experience but one stupid bugger took no notice and arrived buzzing back at the beer truck well in advance of the pack who were still looking for him.The circle was convened by Watsarong, RA’ed by Poppins and adjourned by Pimp in favour of the Best Little Boozer in town.Put your minds to:Hash Names for John Laws (11), Gabby (7) and Lisa (5) runsNext week is at the Grey Horse in Consett and Sunday 2nd at Charlton’s Bar at Cambois, both promising more virgin territory.
Summer is a coomin’ in, loudly sing down down…….

NH3 @ The White Swan, Greenside – 8 May 2019

“All right chums ….. are we all ready for a real rum adventure?”

“Err ….. not really InnContinence ….. it’s pissing down, and no f*cker has turned-up. Have we really got to go out in THAT deluge?”

And so it was that a perfect quorum of hashers set off down the Lead Road in Greenside. A Grand Mistress, a Religious Adviser, a Hare, a r*nner and a w*lker.

After laying the trail InnContinence had been seeking solace in lashings of ginger beer and was decidedly squiffy by the time young Rob arrived at The White Swan looking slightly nonplussed. “Is this, err …. The Hash House Harriers? There were loads of lovely lasses last time”! “I know bonny lad … but it was a balmy evening, a two mile r*n ….. followed by a beer festival. This isn’t! You’re in the wrong story I’m afraid. That was: Five get pissed with Babe Magnet”

But Oh Wizard, we were saved by the bell, Uncle Counterfit, Aunty Watsarong and The Reverend Omm arrived just in the nick of time, to save the day. “Golly that was lucky, let’s get out and have a nice cold shower, I bet you’re all feeling jolly sticky having been stuck in those beastly traffic jams in toon”.

And so the Famous Five headed off into the countryside through Ryton Woodside. “Well chaps, at least the rain seems to have deterred the vulgar locals from venturing out and kept those pikey farmers in their barns indulging in acts of bestiality best kept to themselves”.

“I don’t mean to worry you chaps” puffed the Reverend Omm, “but Aunty Watsarong is right behind us …. She’s not only a w*lker …. BUT she’s also a GIRL!!!!” “Crikey!!” countered err ….. Counterfit “That’s a real bad show chaps ….. we really need to get a wiggle-on, and we haven’t even encountered any escaped convicts, spies, traitors or any of those dreadful Labour Voters”

The Famous Five became four as Aunty Watsarong took the w*lkers route back to Greenside, leaving the young chaps to battle the freezing rain.

On On through Crawcrook without so much as a hair raising adventure or any queer happenings. Although Uncle Omm seemed to be developing a rather unhealthy interest in the local scatology: “Gosh, chaps we seem to have encountered every type of mammalian faecal matter on this trail InnContinence. I think those naughty animals need to be potty trained, what?” (On an InnContinence trail? Who would have thunked it!).

Up Coalway Lane the soggy four trudged. The regular hashers were ever so apologetic to newbie Rob: “Sorry about this Rob, I’m sure that you’d rather be at home building model aeroplanes or down the church hall doing country dancing. But, buck up old chap it’s not far back to the On Inn. Last one back is a squashed tomato”.

And so the adventure came to a moist and tired climax  ……. (oops, that’s a waaay different type of adventure) ….. and the Famous Five formed a soggy pentangle (circle-ish). Speedy down-downs were dispensed and On Inn for more Ginger Beer and Potted Meat sandwiches.

Next Week: The Jingling Gate: Catch 22 (The Misleds arrive late and have to find the pack)